i think my tv is drunk
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
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Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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