so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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