carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
