don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
