Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
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He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
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I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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