just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Hippo gnu deer
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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