It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
