Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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