Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
