I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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