Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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