what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
