Pants 0. Shit 1.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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