How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
