So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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