he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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