So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
