The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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