so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
