mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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