I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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