if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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