I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
