Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
