Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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