we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I am naked and annoyed.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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