im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
