He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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