I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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