Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
