Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
