My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
