Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
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I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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