Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
