Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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