Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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