my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
