Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
