so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
