it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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