You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I am available for nakedness
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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