Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Someone stole a lamp last night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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