i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
