I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
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she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
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And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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