well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
