the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
