I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
