well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
