she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
