it was like his penis was on wheels.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
