Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ketchup is God's man juice
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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