It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Someone came in the potted fern
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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