So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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