my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
