Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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