How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I stole a fireplace last night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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