Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
