Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
