i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You left your phone here
Wait...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize