Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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