he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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